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AguilarBaby 47, Female, Washington, USA - 50 entries

Jan 2007
12:44 PM PST

Well baby Happy New Year...I am sorry but I have not talked to you since 12-26-06...that is sad. I was supposed to talk to you everyday but I have either been busy or tired but those are not good enough excuses...but let me tell you what has been going on...on 12-27-06 I started to feel you for the first time ever...it was ever so faint but I knew that it was not something I have felt before and I paid attention to it and it was little pitter patter of your little feet. I am sure you are doing all kinds of stuff in there but I only feel the important ones. 12-28-06-well this day was just an ordinary day. We went to Sams after work and I got the biggest chocolate chip cookie cake I have ever seen and it was a double decker so it had frosting everywhere...I loved it..I also bought a Watermelon b/c we have to have watermelon all the time...I know you will like that stuff. I felt you again during different times of the day..It was so surreal...I love it..I will be working and all of a sudden I feel a little tap or a poke. 12-29-06-Well today is the start of my 3 day weekend. Your dad was off so he stayed home with Rage and Syrus and I went to work. Nothing exciting. We did not do anything but stay home however I did feel you kick again several occassions. I think it is when I eat and then I am fixing to go to bed is when I should feel you and it seems that is the case. 12-30-06-Well today your dad went to go and play Madden with his co-workers at Jason's house. I don't know if you will meet him but he works with your Dad. You and I stayed home with Rage and Syrus and we talked with your Aunt Roxane. Her and the baby stayed home too and took a warm bubble bath. That was it but I still felt you move and I tried to hear you on the heart monitor but I still cannot hear you but that time will come and I will be patient. 12-31-06-Well today is New Years Eve....We woke up kinda late and your Dad made breakfast. It was real good. We stayed home all day and took naps and your Dad played playstation 3 and then we went to go and get our New Year's dinner....McDonalds so that is how we rang in the new year. We played playstation and ate McDonalds. Our family all called us 12:00am Texas time to wish us a Happy New Year so we decided to celebrate it with them b/c we are Texans at heart. I feel asleep with you doing your daily excersies I was trying to let your Dad feel but you are too little for him to feel from the outside but I am sure that time is coming so I am trying to be patient. Now this brings us to today.. Today we woke up really late b/c we stayed up so late but we watched movies and we ate some pizza and fruit and took several naps and then we were going to eat but our Neighbor friends Meghan and Wayneman called us and wanted to see if we wanted to come and eat some Leg of Lamb. It was real good we had never eaten that before. They came over here and we ate at our table b/c they did not have enough chairs for us to sit at but it was good and we watched another Movie and we called it a night...Well that is all for today it is late and I have to go to work so does your Dad so I will talk to you tomorrow. I still feel you and you keep on moving whichever way you want to it lets me know that you are ok. We love you and we will talk again. Love Always, Mom & Dad

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DragonflyGhostWriter 54, Female, Minnesota, USA - 4 entries

Jan 2007
3:23 PM CDT

discontinued as quickly as it began. Onto other things (wink to the one who knows ;o)) Thanks for reading.

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uns3ttl3d 38, Female, New York, USA - 57 entries

Jan 2007
3:31 AM EDT

how do i go about explaining myself? ...well lets see when yuo have everything you ever loved stripped away from you all you have left is a prioritized list of wants and needs and when those arent adequately met you have this not so strange and sudden urge to just want to flat out DIE. ...story of my life maybe.

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uns3ttl3d 38, Female, New York, USA - 57 entries

Jan 2007
2:47 AM EDT

i've found a way but lack the strength to follow. ive found the will but lack the wisdom to surface through. ive found the sea but lack the ability to keep my head above water. i rummage through the trash and ferociously nibble upon scraps of bread that threaten to ruin my body. i ran the race but forfeited midway through. i ran again and quit a mile before the finish line. i ran again and my leg broke right before i was about to finish. i ran the race 3 times and failed. to even think of running again would only be a cry in shame. it would be false hope for achieving a whole lot of nothing. my hands are dry and cracking as i'm typing. tomorrow morning i leave at 7 am and sit on a plane for 18 hours back to the states. almost 35 pounds heavier than 3 months ago, i am searching within myself for strength against self loathing. i am searching within myself for strength to go back to the city of shallow people. to school full of foolishly young and shallow people. to a world where conformity and 'fitting in' and vanity are the top priorities in one's life. why am i troubled by this? have i forgotten who i am? have i lost my way after finding it and losing it several times over? have i learned nothing of the painful lessons from this past year? have i just gotten my self to a rotten beginning yet again? am i destined to run in a vacant circle for the rest of my life? in that case i might as well kill myself since i have murdered my sense of respect and dignity, if i ever had any to begin with. i am troubled, without a doubt. to comprehend the thought of trying to attempt to fix myself yet again is just too much for me to handle at the moment. so i continue to further myself down into this endless hole. failure. i am a complete failure. i am a great disappointment to anyone who has ever meant anything to me, but more importantly to myself. i can't live with myself because i realize what a failure i am. the given circumstances are quite unfair as well. there are some factors that will remain unchanged. there are some factors i might be able to change through a tremendous amount of turmoil and work. but i am still in the serach for factor c. that would be the will to be able to pick myself back up again after falling for the entirety of my life here on earth. the sad part is i can onyl envision myself falling for the rest of my life, however long or short that may be. oh my fuck. i can feel the ancy feeling coming again. in addition to that i can feel dozens of tropical insects eating away at very square inch of my body as they have been for the pasty 10 days ive been in taiwan. its fucking biting down on my last nerve abnd i am about to explode. i cant take it aymore. i dont care if im leaving tomorrow morning because thats too far away IＷＡＮＴTOＬＥＡＶＥNOW.and i hate everyone. everyone. i hate this world. i hate myself. i cant take it anymore. i dont have the strength or the will of the wisdom to make it through this fucked up life of mine. i possess now only the ability to self destruct. and that is about to start in 3...2...

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mr1olympia 37, Male, California, USA - 25 entries

Jan 2007
2:14 PM EDT

NEW YEARS REVOLUTION.....GET BIG!!!!!!!!!!

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1 comment(s) - 08:37 PM - 02/21/2007

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FeLiCiA 37, Female, Illinois, USA - 3 entries

Jan 2007
11:24 AM CST

I think that is totally true.. last night was New Years Eve. and of course I had a couple of drinks in me.. well more then a couple, because the whole night I was throwing up, and I blacked out. My boyfriend, this morning should of honestly broken up with me, after the way I treated him last night. I guess when he was trying to take care of me.. I was trying to hit him, for no reason. I don't remember at all. And thats not how I act.. he is the most sweetest, caring guy and he didn't diserve that. But this morning when he told me all this, while he was taking care of me.. he shouldn't of even bothered with me.. I didn't diserve his love last night or today.. but I did really need it. He was there for me, and from here on I will never treat him like shit the way I did last night. I love him.

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kathy 64, Female, Washington, USA - 5 entries

Jan 2007
8:53 AM PST

My life is hell!! Be careful what you wish for is all I have to say. I thought my greatest wish , was to be married and I thought that would bring me happiness - boy was I wrong. Instead I am the sole provider of this household and I am not happy??? I should have stayed single ... at least I had total control of my own destiny.

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cyclist54 41, Male, California, USA - 2 entries

Jan 2007
9:32 AM PDT

The new year brings new opporunites, a new chance to appricate all we have and take the focus off all that we do not have - focusing on what you do not have -just brinigs more of the same.

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SatelliteBlvd 39, Male, Georgia, USA - First entry!

Dec 2006
11:33 PM EDT

First, hope everyone is having a bitchin 07 so far and as for 2006. Well, its obviously the past so I don't see any reason to talk to much on that but what I will say is I was arrested in August. Worst day of my life, had about 6 to 7 guns drawn at my head at around 2 am in the morning. This shall be about my probation and tribulations from which will unfurl in the coming year. But mostly will be poems I wrote throughout my two years of being a writer.. I've a new girlfriend who I spent my x-mas with and am with right now for the new year. She is trying to find a movie as I write this.. But um yeah everything is good great and grand as I hope all is well for anyone who stumbles across this. Life can be of dark devastation or eternal elation.. Its your choice to find a way to find a brighter day.. My writing is an outlet so the only thing I ask is if anyone does read this do not be confused with what I write about because like I said its an outlet to my pain to cross a not yet but soon to become a burning bridge.. So yeah this is one of my poems that is a great silhouette of what I am talking about....This Is Called SkIN..... Vampiric thrust for pirates greed Spirits cursed as soul mates bleed Take my soul and tattoo a tear This is your world that is my fear. Shadows ever grieving Confused & misleading I'll ever stitch you up For my eternal bleeding The're no different then I, or a dream What's inside, what I became Wasn't really me. Suicide kings & drama queens Burning reality with candle dreams Pierce my heart & tattoo my lungs Kissing wrist we slit our tongues. If I am in love am I a lover If I die tonight will I live forever I'll ever be the unheard I never had a choice I'll ever be these words I never had a voice. Hit the ground another sound revolved Guilty we are as another innocent falls Pierce me grim & tattoo the evolved Its time to begin the end of it all. Famous scars behind hidden cries Desire burns in firefly like eyes, so Pierce our sin and tattoo them seven Paranoia sinking in to a higher heaven. If I save you am I a savior If I create you am I a creator Dancing with the misery Taking us by the wrist now But we're beyond it Like neon through mist now We shine on even after your world shuts down As we've no place else to be Finally! A rich taste of a poor mentality The moral majority of modern reality Piercing what's left as I tattoo my s(k)in If this isn't death I'm so dead within.

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uns3ttl3d 38, Female, New York, USA - 57 entries

Dec 2006
11:03 PM EDT

"Love me when I least deserve it, because that’s when I really need it." – Swedish Proverb fight. don't focus on winning. just fight. don't focus on losing. just fight. as long as you are fighting you know you're doing whats best. fight. don't focus on the pain or the weakness. just fight. don't focus on sorrow and loss. just fight and keep on fighting until there is no need to fight any longer. fight until you die. fight. fight until it is no longer necessary. fight. dont trust others. just fight. fight their lies. fight their deception. fight their intrustion. fight their desire to fight you. fight their desire to ruin you. fight their desire to fight your ability to fight. fight their desire to end your battle. continue to fight. fight until you die. pick up the sword and swear upon all the truth in the world. go get your guns and shoot off into the distance that will forever intrigue and confuse you. hold up your fist in resentment of the unjust ways of man. fight. gather your weapons and fight. fight against the world. its me against the world. i am fighting. i will lose. but i will fight as long and as hard as i can because its the best i can do. it gives me meaning and purpose amongst an empty life. an empty world. full of empty promises and false hope. empty people and false relationships. dont let them ruin you. dont let them touch you. hold yourself together. gather the pieces of this shattered puzzle and fight for your life. run like hhell.

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